our cab driver is having phone sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
