Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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