how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
