there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
