My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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