I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
