Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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