Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
