I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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