so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
