I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
