so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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