Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
