Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
