I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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