Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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