Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
