Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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