my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
