at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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