I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
