I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
