Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
