Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
