We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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