ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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