Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
