Small penises have feelings too.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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