so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
