After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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