Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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