If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
