been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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