So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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