a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
