wanna go halves on a baby?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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