so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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