Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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