We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
