walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This baby is an asshole
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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