If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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