just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
