seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
