I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
