A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
