when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
