I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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