I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
