Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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