its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
