You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
