I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
