Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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