Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
